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My Daughters

December 26th, 2009
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An apology to my love <3

September 23rd, 2016

I hate when my worst moments get the best of me and when the ones I love the most get hurt. As I see it happen while I’m in the midst of emotional flashbacks, being triggered, panic attacks and not being able to snap out of it is very frustrating. It triggers tons of other emotions which all can make the situation I find myself in even worse. Shame  being one of them and my all ready triggered fear can get worse by newly added triggered fears from a different moment or situation or reasoning.

Here’s an article about emotional flashbacks

Read the above mentioned article it explains a lot I don’t ask for it to be accepted as something that is right for I know it can do a lot of damage an not only to me deep inside. I am aware of this even during the  issues that arise which makes it for me more difficult for I’m not able to do much about it yet. Accepting that I am exaggerating things and that what I feel is absolutely not in contrast with the current situation is something I need to deal with as well as the emotions it self. This newly added emotion triggers more fear and worries that are actually relevant but are also more realistic at the moment of happening. For it is something that may scare others away from me and it is something that I upset other people with often. These other people usually being the ones I care for the most. And in that context it triggers again more fears.

I am sincerely sorry and I am working hard to get past them. Not just for me or just for you but also for us so that the relationship we are in will remain and stays strong. I hope you will accept my apology even though I know it will probably happen again and that I can’t control it. I want to thank you for the times you all ready have forgiven me and even more so for understanding me and supporting me. <3


August 28th, 2016
Read more from the Source: Web of loneliness
What Causes Loneliness?
According to research by John Cacioppo, a University of Chicago psychologist and one of the top loneliness experts, loneliness is strongly connected to genetics.

Other contributing factors include situational variables, such as physical isolation, moving to a new location and divorce. The death of someone significant in a person’s life can also lead to feelings of loneliness. Loneliness can also be a symptom of a psychological disorder such as depression.

Loneliness can also be attributed to internal factors such as low self-esteem.

People who lack confidence in themselves often believe that they are unworthy of the attention or regard of other people. This can lead to isolation and chronic loneliness.

Read More at: verywell.com


August 24th, 2016

I have been re-sharing a lot of posts lately about this pipeline and the native americans who are peacefully figthing the building of it. I can go into lengths as of why the usa gouvernement is at wrong and why that pipeline never should be allowed or what the gouvernement has done so far to try stop people from their protests. Blocking and disrupting service for cellphones in the protest area, false media messages about bombs, they have been placing roadblocks in the reservations far from the protest location to keep the native americans from joining the protests. The newest thing is cutting off their drinking water… AND YET STILL how amazing it is that the tribes come from allover the country to unite and join forces to continu their peaceful protest to protect nature and drinking water and keep the usa from breaking a treaty with the natives about this land. I would love to see this get more media attention in our country as well because i have read nothing about it on the big news sites. I am impressed by so much unity and power. I am dissapointed that people dont realize that nature is no racist. Nature doesnt see your skincolor when it serves you water or food, Nature doesnt check your dna before an earthquake strikes, Nature protects whats most dear to us, our earth therefor we should protect nature more then anything since its keeping us alive. Just because its at the other end of the world and no disaster happened yet that brings you pictures of a wasted river where thousends of people live of, doesnt mean we have to wait for it. Do something now. Bring in world wide media attention! bring in world wide human rights organisations, and bring out the truth! Support the NO DAPL Protests! SUPPORT OUR NATURE AND HUMAN RIGHTS.

Share my posts and if you have connections let them hear of this news as well. This should not be covered up.


August 6th, 2016

A while ago I had a Discussion with someone about love and what it supposedly is. I came to the conclusion love is an action and a reaction.

If love isn’t only a feeling, what is it? Once the honeymoon wears off, love is primarily a verb, and to love someone is an active experience. Of course I would not go on to this topic without having done some research about my opinion as well. Because honestly I don’t like being wrong.

Here’s an article by dr becker Phelps it speaks of why and how love is an action. And here you find another interesting article about love being an action.

What else is love, Love is so much more then an action but if its one thing not then it is addiction. You can however be addicted to love. To live without love is extremely hard and may result in a short lived life.

So what else is love. I experience love as being an essential of life. There needs to be a form of love to make life livable in my opinion its either being loved or loving someone. This can be someone else but with the lack of other people in your life you may  have to relay on self love which is a very important factor in life. people who are lacking / missing self love ( self esteem, self worth) will find them self struggling with life much more then those that don’t usually.

To me love means having someone to look out for you, to watch over you and to catch you when you fall. To allow you to return all this as well. Trust and respect are most needed to keep a love relationship healthy and thriving. I have often thought of love being a play between fire and air, or water and air. It needs to keep moving it needs space to expand and grow where the heat of fire warms the air and the water cools it the air keeps the fire alive and water as well.

To keep your love relationship healthy you need to give each other the space to breathe. But you can’ go too far out of sight that the other feels lost. Its a constant interaction that keeps changing depending on the situation and the things life throws at us. Make sure your partner knows at all times they are loved and cared for and that you are there for them when they need them to. This also means you need to be prepared to be there when your partner needs you to be there for them. To love is to breath, in and out, give and take.


Mutual respect as I said before is important. We don’t truly know what lives in the other persons mind or how he or she feels. So being honest about this is very important. Make sure your partner is aware of how you feel you don’t want to feel shut out yourself either.  Love is easier when both partners can spend  time together and harder when there’s  a separation. The past affects the reactions people can have to certain things and may affect how love is given or received and how love is need to be received or given.

One that has been betrayed may need a lot more assurance then one that has not had this experience. Be understanding and interested in what moves your partner and whats going on in his or her life. Be part of your partners life. That does not mean you have to be involved in everything the other person does but it does mean that you do know who your partner is. Sharing is Love, Caring is love, trust is love and respect is love.

My love is one of a kind and will always remain for that what I loved. I have found out many times that what I loved was not what I thought it was, that doesn’t make my love less it just makes it being addressed wrongly.

I always will try to make sure you know I love you when I do. So if I do, you should know. If you don’t and are in doubt let me know so I can make sure you know if I love you or not. I may talk a lot about a lot of things but I also may leave out a lot. I don’t want this  to come in between us if I love you. You can tell someone you love them but to make them feel it with actions has a way deeper impact and lasts a lot longer. Be there, Be loved and love. And please if at any given time you are unsure of my love? let me know. Ill do what I can to assure you, for that’s what I would hope you do for me as well. ILYLYMAOHH

The world and me

July 29th, 2016

As long as I remember it was always me against the rest of the world. And often it seems that way still, yet I have learned I’m not alone and even when alone I’m not weak. My strength is to be found in my soul and my heart where I find honesty and truth, Love and sympathy, compassion and empathy. I refuse to be defined by someone else and I refuse to be who I am not just because everyone does. I can be very strong opinionated and yes I can be wrong. Ill be the first to admit when I’m wrong. I’m straight forward usually though I don’t like confrontations.

Watching the news or reading articles on the internet about unjust in this world that’s being done to other people touches me deeply and often I wish to be able to actually make a difference big enough for the world to notice. To wake up everyone else who have gotten so used to these things that they barely feel anymore. After all its far away. the demonstrations when refugees of other countries at war flee to our land sickens me. Just imagine your country is at war and you have no place to find safety. its a right to receive help and a right to give help, yes a right it is for without the others we are but just alone. All this power and wealth you can’t take with you after you pass away. Traditions and cultural wealth lasts a lot longer and cant be just taken away.

I would like one day to be able to make that difference and share my strength with those that don’t. I know I can I just need to hold on and be ready when its my turn. Then I will be there for you because its not only helping the ones in need its most of all helping those not in need. for they have the greatest need to learn to see what they have became blind for.

The world and me always at war, although its not so much the world but more the ppl on it.


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